Learning to Live Again

I often wonder if other people- especially other women -my age (okay I'm 50) get to a point in their life where they reach that crest- that precipice where either they have something life-changing happen to them - like a serious health issue or maybe a major occurrence in their family- and it just makes them re-evaluate EVERYTHING they thought they knew and held as important in their life. Who they are, what they stand for, what's important?

Maybe its not some life altering event- but rather they reach that crest- and its a precipice that they realize they cannot turn back from and they have to either change directions or JUMP. Suddenly, they realize that they have to learn to fly, parachute, or start climbing down the sheer rock face.  Jumping off the cliff really isnt an option... falling to land in a broken mass of bones, blood and brain matter isn't in their DNA (although perhaps for a few minutes / or maybe days - it's awfully tempting.)

SO- they change, or maybe more appropriately, they morph. Adapting or growing into the person that maybe they would have been, should have been, wanted to be - before parents, spouses, bosses and society shaped them into a shadowed image of what deep down inside, their hearts and heads whispered to them alone at night.

How many of you suddenly realized that you hated the job you professed to love? That meaningless clock punching for a paycheck and fake smiling to a boss who fed you empty platitudes in order to get quality results that you had given willingly out of pride and ethics.

That you were NOT the extrovert everyone thought you were, preferring silent introspection and quiet time alone to crowds, noise and pathetic small talk. That quality of friendship and intellectual interaction were far more important than the number of friends and lackluster interactions with people who could not be counted on.

And maybe you realized that you had neglected - sacrificed actually, precious years of your own interests and pursuits simply because you put everyone else first. Your spouse, your children, your family, his family, the friends, work, clients? Was it because you simply could NOT put the word "NO" into your vocabulary?

How many of you are out there like me? Now struggling to find that new balance without feeling guilt- because a heart attack is one of the loudest wake-up calls you can ever receive. Because your children grow up and start having more interests of their own and need you less and less. Because the job that you thought you'd retire in suddenly is just that- a job; and the co-workers were never really close friends.

Its ironic in this age where society is so focused on the Millennial - that none of these 20-somethings have a clue about life or where they'll be or WHO they'll be in another 25 years. I certainly didn't.

And now I embrace this second phase of life- learning to adjust to this new person I am and how she is going to adapt to the world around her.